One of the Roots of Fear and How to Deal With It

(Nineteenth Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on August 9, 2026 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Matthew 14: 22-33.)

 [For the audio version of this homily, click here: Nineteenth Sunday 2026] 

It’s a well-known fact that more people fear flying than driving (and that was the case even before September 11, 2001!).

This is because, as psychology professor David Myers has said, “We fear what we can’t control.  We fear flying more than driving because we feel we are in control of the car, but we know we’re not in control of the plane.”

In today’s well-known gospel story from Matthew 14, Peter walked on the water in faith, but then sank in fear.  And that fear was rooted in what he could not control, namely the weather!  Scripture says, “Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened, and, beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’”

“When he saw how strong the wind was . . .”

Before that moment he was doing just fine; in fact, he was doing a lot better than “just fine”—he was doing what was humanly impossible!  He had his eyes on Jesus—meaning that he was totally unconcerned with what he could not control—and he walked on the water.

But once he took his eyes off the Lord, the “uncontrollable” suddenly grabbed his attention—and that was the beginning of the end of his little stroll on the lake.

There are many things in life that we cannot control no matter how hard we try: certain aspects of our health, for example.  We can do our best to take care of our body through diet and exercise and yearly check-ups with our doctor, but in spite of our best efforts it’s still possible to come down with a serious disease.  We can’t control the other terrible drivers on the highway; we can’t control the price of gas; we can’t control the weather.  We can’t control what other people say about us; we can’t control what other people do to hurt us (I’m sure you parents wished you could control your children in this way, but you can’t.  They will disobey and hurt you at times in spite of all the good things you teach them, and the good example you try to give them.)

If we really stop and think about all the events and circumstances of our lives, we’ll realize that the vast majority of what we have to deal with each and every day is totally beyond our control.

But “the majority” is not “all”!  That’s good news, because it means that there are some dimensions of our lives that we can control successfully if we choose to.  And these, believe it or not, have a direct impact on how we deal with all of those uncontrollable things in life that sometimes cause us to be fearful.

Here Peter serves as a great example.  As I noted at the beginning of my homily, he could not control the weather that day on the Sea of Galilee: he couldn’t stop the wind; he couldn’t calm the waves that were tossing around the apostles’ boat.  But he did have the power to control his mind—his thoughts—in the midst of it all!  And he actually did that very well—for a brief time. 

That’s when he walked on the water.  He had his mind centered on the Lord; he had his eyes riveted on Jesus; he put his complete and total focus on his Savior—and he acted fearlessly!  Even though he was in the midst of a situation that he could not possibly control, he had no fear in his heart!

But then he chose to focus his attention somewhere else.  He made the decision to take his mind and eyes off Jesus, and allowed himself to be distracted by what was uncontrollable.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Like Peter, we can also control our choices—especially our choices regarding Jesus Christ and our Catholic faith.   We can choose, for example, to take the teachings of the Church seriously every day and apply them in every circumstance we face; we can choose to nourish our relationship with Jesus through daily prayer and frequent reception of the Eucharist; we can choose to read at least one passage from the Bible every day so that our thoughts get in line with God’s word; we can choose to read books that will build up and not undermine our faith; we can choose to strengthen (or repair if necessary) our relationship with Jesus by going to Confession on a regular basis.

If we choose to take positive, spiritual steps like these every day (all of which are under our control), they will have a direct, positive impact on how we deal with the many things in our lives that we cannot control.  We will be spiritually stronger in the midst of those uncontrollable events, and less fearful.

Once again, look at Peter.  The man who freaked out in the midst of some bad weather on the Sea of Galilee, later went to his death fearlessly!  He obviously had changed.  He obviously had grown spiritually.  And his was no ordinary death, remember: Peter was crucified upside down near the obelisk that now stands in St. Peter’s Square in Rome.

Jesus had said to him, “When you were a young man you fastened your belt and went about as you pleased; but when you are older you will stretch out your hands, and another will tie you fast and carry you off against your will.”

Peter could not control Nero and the Romans who condemned him to death.  But he could control his inner response to their condemnation. 

This time he made the right choice—and stuck with it!  This time he chose to keep his eyes—the eyes of his soul—firmly fixed on Jesus till the end. 

So today’s lesson is simple: By controlling what we can control in life, we strengthen ourselves to face the things that we cannot control.  And this can eliminate—or at least lessen—our level of fear (perhaps even our fear of flying!). 

 

When it comes to suffering, there is very often a difference between the way things are and the way things appear to be

 

(Eighteenth Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on August 2, 2026 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Isaiah 55:1-3; Psalm 145:8-18; Romans 8:35-39; Matthew 14:13-21.) 

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Eighteenth Sunday 2026]

When it comes to the sufferings of this life, there is very often a difference—a very big difference—between the way things are and the way things appear to be.

Our second reading today provides us with a great illustration of this truth.

In this text from Romans 8 that we heard a few moments ago, St. Paul tells us the way things are in our relationship with God.  He tells us that no trial, or pain, or tragedy, or persecution—not even physical death—has the power in and of itself to separate us from the love of Jesus Christ.  That’s good news!  Unrepented mortal sin, of course, has the power to cause separation from the God who loves us, but none of these other realities does.  That’s the way things are; in other words, that’s the truth!  But sometimes that’s not the way things appear to be, is it?  For example, Paul indicates here that suffering does not have the power to separate us from the love of Christ.  But suffering can often appear to separate us from the love of Christ—and we all know this by experience.  We suffer and sometimes we wonder, “Where is God?”  “Why didn’t God do something to stop this?”  “Why doesn’t God take this pain away?  He must not love me anymore.”  That’s the conclusion we jump to.

We all have the tendency to think that the difficulties of life separate us from God and his love.  I’m sure, for example, that some of the relatives and friends of Cory Jacobson have had to battle that tendency in recent days.  Cory, who was an altar server here at St. Pius during my early years at the parish, had a heart attack on his way home from work a couple of weeks ago, and got into a car accident from which he never recovered.  He was only 49-years-old.  He left behind a wife and two children—and a lot of people who loved him.  That was evident at his funeral.  This church was packed for that Mass; it was a huge crowd.  I’m told his wake was also well attended.

Now God was present through it all.  This tragedy, as bad as it was, didn’t separate Cory’s family and friends from Jesus and his love, but it might have seemed that way to many of them.  And that’s understandable; that’s the tendency we have in tragic situations.

Is there a way to overcome this tendency, and get in better touch with the Lord’s love and way things truly are?  Yes, there is: by developing a deeper personal relationship with Jesus.  Which means, among other things, that Sunday Mass is not enough!  St. Paul, who suffered a great deal during his life, knew that his trials didn’t separate him from the love of Christ because he had a deep personal relationship with the Lord—a relationship which was rooted in the sacraments and Christian fellowship and a strong prayer life.

We should all desire that same type of relationship.  So should every Catholic! 

The importance of this came home to me the other day at another funeral Mass I celebrated: the funeral Mass of Jerry Lyman.  Jerry was 88-years-old; he was a good and faithful parishioner of St. Pius for many years.  I anointed him at the hospital a couple of weeks back; he had a number of ailments and wasn’t doing too well.  Well, the following day he gave me a call.  At the time I didn’t have my cell phone with me, so he had to leave me a voicemail.  Let me read to you now a few of the things Jerry said in that voicemail.  He said, “Father Ray, I think that after our get together yesterday (that was when I visited him in the hospital and anointed him) I’m ready to go.  I had some tests and things aren’t looking good.  I don’t know if I’m going to make it.  If I don’t, I’d like you to say my funeral Mass.  Amazing Grace—it’s important that that be sung through, and Here I am, Lord—I love that song.  It’s important.  And if you do give a homily, recommend that everybody stay close to God and pray for Jesus’ help.  I want to be able to see them all again in heaven.”

Those are the words of a man who knew that his suffering didn’t separate him from the Lord.  In fact, I would say that from all external indications Jerry’s suffering in recent years actually led him closer to God.  So his attitude was, “If this is my time to go home to the Lord, I’m ready.”  He clearly knew Jesus; he didn’t just know about Jesus.  And he had his eyes (the eyes of his soul) on the prize of eternal life that Jesus won for us by his passion, death and resurrection.

This should help us to understand the key line in the middle of this text from Romans 8.  After mentioning all these negative experiences of life (anguish, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril and the sword), St. Paul says to us, “In all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us.”  Physically Jerry Lyman was conquered by age and by illness, but spiritually he was not.  Spiritually he actually conquered his ailments—and whatever fear might have been present in his heart because of those ailments—by faith: a faith that was rooted in the love of the Christ he knew personally.  That’s why, I believe, he had a measure of peace at the end of his life, and why he looked forward to heaven.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, help us to deepen our relationship with you each and every day of our lives, so that we will know this same type of victory in the midst of our daily crosses.  Amen.

How ALL Things Work for Good for Those Who Love God

 

(Seventeenth Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on July 25, 2026 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Romans 8:28-30.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Seventeenth Sunday 2026 ]

“Brothers and sisters: We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

St. Paul tells us that in today’s second reading from Romans 8.

But, how can this be true?  Realistically, how is this possible, given all the evil that’s present in the world?

·        How, for example, can experiencing hatred work for someone’s good?  (In other words, how can anything good come out of something as evil as hatred?)

·         How can experiencing envy work for someone’s good?

·         How can being lied about, or being in prison, or being a slave, or being torn away from your father, or almost being murdered by people in your own family: how can any of these things work for a person’s good—even if the person loves Almighty God with all his heart and soul and mind and strength?

For the answer to those questions, my brothers and sisters, we need to go to Joseph.  No, not Joseph, the foster father of Jesus, but rather Joseph, the Patriarch—one of the twelve sons of Jacob—whose story is told to us in the Old Testament Book of Genesis.

I say that we need to go to Joseph because he experienced every single one of those evils I just mentioned: hatred, envy, slavery, prison, etc.

Most of us, I’m sure, know at least the basic outline of his story, but for the benefit of the few who might not …

Joseph was the eleventh of Jacob’s twelve sons: the child of his father’s “old age,” as the Bible puts it.  But, even though he was number eleven on the birthday list of the sons of Jacob, Joseph was number one in his father’s heart.  And Jacob made that abundantly clear to everyone, especially when he gave Joseph a special tunic to wear.  (Some of you may remember the musical that was named for that event: “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”)

Joseph’s older brothers hated and envied him for the relationship he had with his dad—so much so that they actually hatched a plot to kill their brother, throw his dead body into a cistern, and then tell his dad that he had been eaten by wild animals.  Thankfully they thought better of that plan, and decided instead to sell Joseph to some Ishmaelites who happened to be passing by one day on their way down to Egypt.

There Joseph became the slave of Pharaoh’s chief steward, a man named Potiphar, whose wife thought that Joseph was kinda cute.  So she tried to seduce him—several times!  (See what interesting stories you can find in the Bible!  Yet another reason to read the Scriptures!)

Anyhow, when she failed to have her way with Joseph, Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him of sexually assaulting her, and had him thrown into jail—where he remained until the day he was asked to interpret a dream for Pharaoh.  The dream, according to Joseph, predicted seven years of bountiful harvests which would be followed by seven years of famine.  Pharaoh accepted the interpretation, and proceeded to make Joseph the number two man in the entire nation of Egypt!  He then put him in charge of stockpiling food for the next seven years, so that there would be enough food to last for the seven lean years.

And Joseph did it.  He did it so well, in fact, that people from outside of Egypt came to him to get food during those seven lean years, since the famine wasn’t just affecting the Egyptians.

Well guess who showed up one day looking to buy some grain.  That’s right: his ten older brothers.  They didn’t recognize him, but he sure recognized them!  It was the perfect chance for some “payback”; it was the perfect opportunity for Joseph to finally get his revenge—to get revenge for all those things I mentioned at the beginning of my homily: the hatred, the envy, the attempted murder, the slavery, the prison, the lying, the separation from the father he loved so deeply and who so deeply loved him.

But that’s not what Joseph did.  Yes, he did put his brothers to the test a couple of times, but in the end he forgave them and revealed himself to them.  And when he did reveal his identity, he said something that makes it clear that he believed this truth which St. Paul expressed so beautifully in Romans 8:28: that ALL THINGS work together for good, for those who love God.  Listen to these words from Genesis 45:

“Come closer to me,” Joseph told his brothers. When they had done so, he said: “I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.  But now do not be distressed, and do not be angry with yourselves for having sold me here.  It was really for the sake of saving lives that God sent me here ahead of you.  The famine has been in the land for two years now, and for five more years cultivation will yield no harvest.  God, therefore, sent me on ahead of you to ensure for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives in an extraordinary deliverance.  So it was not really you but God who had me come here; and he has made me a father to Pharaoh, lord of all his household, and ruler over the whole land of Egypt.”

“It was really for the sake of saving lives that God sent me here ahead of you.”  Joseph could see beyond all the evil he had experienced to the good that God had brought out of that evil.  Now please do not misunderstand.  He wasn’t happy about the evil—he wasn’t thrilled that he hadn’t seen his dad in years or that he had been a prisoner and a slave—but he was able to see how even those injustices and sufferings and trials had worked together for his good—and not only for his good, but also for the good of many other people, both in and out of Egypt.

“We know that ALL things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

Notice it does not say there that everything that happens to God-loving people is good—because it’s not true.  Joseph (and many others) have shown us that sometimes very bad things happen to godly people.  But by God’s grace even those bad things can work for a godly person’s ultimate benefit, and for the ultimate benefit of many others.

This even applies, believe it or not, to our sins—if we repent of them, confess them and turn away from them.

St. Paul has shown us that.  After his conversion he used his forgiven sins for good, by talking about them when he was trying to encourage other people to seek God’s mercy—especially those who might have thought that they were beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness.  In First Timothy 1, for example, he wrote:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, that he has made me his servant and judged me faithful.  I was once a blasphemer, a persecutor, a man filled with arrogance; but because I did not know what I was doing in my unbelief, I have been treated mercifully, and the grace of our Lord has been granted me in overflowing measure, along with the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.  You can depend on this as worthy of full acceptance: that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.  Of these I myself am the worst.  But on that very account I was dealt with mercifully, so that in me, as an extreme case, Jesus Christ might display all his patience, and that I might be an example to those who would later have faith in him.

“That I might be an example …” That was Paul’s way of saying, “If God can forgive me for all I did in my past life, he can forgive anybody—including you.”

“For those who love God ALL things work for good.”

This is a truth, my brothers and sisters, that many of us don’t reflect on often enough—so I invite you to do that sometime during this coming week.  When you have fifteen or twenty minutes of time (and we all do), sit down in a quiet place (maybe a church or a room at home) and reflect on the significant events of your life (the good ones, the bad ones—even the painful ones), and ask the Lord to help you to see how all these experiences have worked for your good, and for the good of those with whom you share your life.

And when God does help you to see those good things—those gifts—those blessings—please do remember to thank him.

 

Whoever Loves Father or Mother More Than me is not Worthy of me . . .

 

(Thirteenth Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on June 28, 2026 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Matthew 10:37-42.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Thirteenth Sunday 2026]

Bishop Fulton Sheen once said: "It's only because we are loved by God that we are loveable."  This should help us to make sense of the hard saying we heard at the very beginning of today's Gospel reading.  In that passage from Matthew 10 Jesus said, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."  Why would Jesus say such a thing?  Well, before we can answer that question, we've got to deal with a more foundational one: Why do we love?  Or, to put it another way: What is it that motivates us to love another person?  It's the good that we perceive in the person, is it not?  John loves Jane because he finds something good and attractive in her: her compassion, her joy, her patience, her kindness.  But the fact is: everything that's truly good comes from the hand of almighty God.  As we are told at the end of Eucharistic Prayer number 3, all good things have their source in the Lord, even those good things which come to us through other people.  So yes, John loves Jane because of her compassion, joy, patience, and kindness; but the only reason Jane is compassionate, joyful, patient and kind is because God has given her the grace to be that way.  This is what Bishop Sheen was getting at when he said that it's only because we are loved by God that we are loveable.  God, who is love, places some of his love inside of us, and that grace is what makes us attractive to others.  Consequently, it makes perfect sense for Jesus to tell us in today's Gospel that our love for him must be primary.  We are to love him with all our heart, because if it were not for him, there would be nothing loveable in us or in anyone else.  In fact, if it were not for Jesus, we wouldn't even exist!  As St. Paul reminds us in Colossians 1:16, "In [Christ Jesus] everything in heaven and on earth was created, . . . [and] in him everything continues in being."

This is a very important lesson to remember, especially when someone close to us dies.  Here's a very common scenario.  This kind of thing happens all the time: a loved one (we’ll call him “Uncle Joe’) passes away, and several members of his family get angry at God.  They blame him for Uncle Joe's death, as if the Lord were some kind of divine assassin.  What these family members have forgotten (or failed to realize) is that God is the one who created Uncle Joe in the first place.  If it had not been for the Lord, Uncle Joe (with all his good qualities) would never have existed.  They have also forgotten (or failed to realize) that God was the source of all the blessings and good things that they experienced during their lives through this deceased relative.  Uncle Joe's love, his acts of kindness, his compassionate words—these were all inspired by the Lord's grace.  So here they are blaming the God who gave their uncle life, who blessed their lives through their uncle, and who sent his Son to die so that they could live with their uncle forever! 

What's wrong with this picture?!!!

A man from town told me about a conversation he once had with his daughter. She was 8-years-old at the time.  The girl said, "Daddy, do you love me?"  Her father, who was understandably anxious to emphasize his affection for his daughter, responded, "I love you more than anyone else on this earth."  The little girl said, "But what about God, daddy?  You're supposed to love God more than me."

God bless that little child, because she was absolutely correct!  Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, would have heartily approved!  He would definitely have commended her for her very perceptive insight.  It’s my prayer at this Mass that all of us will be equally perceptive in our lives.