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| Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory |
(Thirtieth Sunday of the Year
(A): This homily was given on October 23, 2011 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly
[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Thirtieth Sunday 2011]
Self-love is not a bad thing.
At least, the Christian version
of self-love isn’t a bad thing.
It can’t be, because Jesus
explicitly tells us in Scripture—in this gospel passage we just heard from
Matthew 22—that we are to love other people as
we love ourselves.
So obviously we won’t be able to
love others properly—that is to say, in the way that Jesus wants us to—unless
we first love ourselves in the
way that Jesus wants us to!
A healthy self-love is a
prerequisite, a precondition, for a healthy love of neighbor.
That’s not Fr. Ray’s idea; it’s
Jesus’ idea.
Which means that we’d better take
it seriously!
Now when most people think of
loving themselves they probably think of the worldly version of the phenomenon—which is why they think it’s
incompatible with Christianity.
The worldly version of self-love
includes things like selfishness, self-centeredness, arrogance and pride—all of
which ARE incompatible with being a true disciple of Jesus.
Are you familiar with the
character, Sheldon Cooper, on that show The
Big Bang Theory? Because he’s a genius,
Sheldon thinks that he’s better than everyone else—a ‘more highly evolved’
human being, as he likes to put it.
He’s a great example of someone
who’s filled with the worldly version
of self-love.
Now that makes for some good television
comedy—but it’s awful when you have to deal with somebody like Sheldon in real
life!
So what is true, Christian self-love? What exactly does it involve? Well, to use an expression that you find
quite often in Matthew Kelly’s books, to love yourself means to have the desire
to become the best possible version of yourself.
To love yourself is to desire to become the best possible version of
yourself.
That’s the ultimate goal of true,
Christian self-love.
Now let’s be clear about it, the
best possible versions of you and me do not include sin—any sin at all! That’s a crucial point that needs to be
mentioned here—which means that selfish, self-centered, arrogant, prideful
people like Sheldon Cooper really don’t love themselves! They’re “full of themselves,” so to speak,
but they do not have true, Christian self-love.
Neither do people, for example,
who live with their intended spouses before marriage! I think of this whenever I meet with an
engaged couple that’s living together and sexually active (which happens quite
often, unfortunately!). I’m sure they
don’t realize it, but they really don’t love themselves (if they did they
wouldn’t endanger their own salvation by having relations outside of marriage);
nor do they really love the person they intend to marry (if they did, they’d
never put that person’s salvation in jeopardy either!).
But it does illustrate Jesus’
point, does it not? He links love of self
with love of neighbor, implying that the quality of our self-love will directly influence the quality of our
love for other people.
Let me conclude my homily today by
sharing with you a little reflection that’s often attributed to Blessed Mother
Teresa, although in my research I discovered that it was actually written by a
man named Kent Keith. But Mother Teresa obviously
approved of it, because she allowed it to be hung on a wall in her home for
children in Calcutta. Someone sent me
this reflection a couple of months ago.
On the surface, it might not seem to be about Christian self-love, but I
assure you it is. I’ll talk about the
connection after I read it.
It begins . . .
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some
genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
So what’s the connection between
this reflection and the idea of loving yourself in the true, Christian sense?
Simple. The reflection, first of all, talks about
forgiveness. To be the best version of
yourself (which, as I said earlier, is the goal of truly loving yourself), you
must forgive others.
The reflection talks about
kindness. To be the best version of
yourself, you must be kind.
The reflection talks about
success. I’m sure Mother Teresa would
say that this is not about being successful in the eyes of the world. Rather, it’s about being successful in the
eyes of God—which is simply another way of talking about being the best
possible version of yourself.
The reflection talks about
honesty. Obviously you can’t be the best
possible version of yourself if you’re deceitful.
The reflection talks about being
creative—in the sense of using the gifts God has given you for the building up
of his kingdom here on earth. Being
creative in this way is definitely part of what it means to be the best
possible version of yourself.
The serenity and happiness
mentioned here come from being right with God and neighbor. That’s what Mother Teresa would certainly
say. Once again, these are qualities of
those who are sincerely striving to be the best versions of themselves.
And, finally, the reflection
speaks about doing good and giving your very best. Here again we encounter the connection
between loving ourselves properly and loving our brothers and sisters. Those who are striving to be the best
versions of themselves don’t focus on themselves (as ironic as that might
sound!); rather, they focus on the needs of their brothers and sisters. They do good and give their best effort—in
loving service.
To love yourself is to desire to become the best possible version of
yourself. That’s the line to
remember.
Or, to put it another way, to
love yourself is to have the desire to become a saint!
Since Blessed Mother Teresa liked
this reflection I just shared, I think it’s fitting that I end my homily today
by seeking her intercession for all of us: Blessed Mother Teresa, from your exalted place
in God’s heavenly kingdom, pray for us. Pray
for us today and every day. Pray that we
will have this kind of self-love
(and not the worldly version) in our hearts always, so that we will be able to
love our brothers and sisters in the way that Jesus wants us to love them, in
the way that you loved others during your time on this earth; because, as Jesus
indicated in today’s gospel reading, we will only be able to love our brothers
and sisters properly if we first love ourselves properly. Amen.