The Importance of Working Hard at Being Grateful

Anna Pullano

(Twenty-eighth Sunday of the Year (C): This homily was given on October 9, 2016 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Luke 17: 11-19.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-eighth Sunday 2016]

Last summer we attended our oldest daughter’s high school graduation.  It was a lovely celebration honoring the class of 2013, except, for us, there was no graduate.  I did not have a camera at the ready or flowers to give or anyone to meet for photo sessions afterward.  The classmate who was tragically killed in a car accident several months before was remembered and honored and greatly missed by her entire class. The classmate that would have, should have walked across the stage to accept her diploma was our girl, Anna.  The whole graduation ceremony and the remembrances of Anna were all very moving, and I tried desperately to keep back the tears.

Those are the words of a woman from Syracuse, New York named Karen Pullano.  Karen and her husband Bill, who’s a dentist, have several children, but in recent years two of them have died in tragic ways: Anna, in the car accident mentioned in that quote, and Mikey, their four-year old son, who died after a nine month battle with cancer.

I read Karen’s story in a Catholic magazine several months ago, and, when I did, two things struck me about this woman: 1) the depth of her pain—and 2) the depth of her gratitude.

Those are two realities—pain and gratitude—that we don’t normally associate with one another.  But, praise God, they can coexist.

But it requires work to make them coexist!  It requires a conscious, deliberate, focused effort to be grateful in the midst of great suffering. 

Actually, this is true even in good circumstances.  Even when God gives us great blessings in our lives, gratitude doesn’t come automatically.  In today’s gospel story, for example, only one of the healed lepers made the effort to go back to Jesus and say thank you for his healing.  Nine apparently couldn’t be bothered.  But the one who did return—the Samaritan—received an extra gift that the others did not receive (a gift that was even more important than his cure from leprosy).  He received salvation!  Jesus said to him, “Stand up and go; your faith has saved you.”

Sometimes when you make the effort to thank God for the blessings he’s given you, he gives you even more blessings, as was the case for this healed leper.

Of course, it requires a lot more work and effort to be grateful when something bad happens in your life—like the death of a child in a car accident or when you’re diagnosed with a terrible disease.

Yet even at those moments—by the grace of God—gratitude is still possible.  The key is to call to mind all the things you still have to be grateful for in life.

This is a lesson we learn from Karen Pullano.  In that article of hers that I quoted from at the beginning of my homily, she makes it very clear that since these tragedies have happened she’s had to battle a lot of angry, negative thoughts, and consciously work to replace them with thoughts of gratitude: thoughts of gratitude which are rooted in faith.  Listen to her words:

The graduation ceremony was especially difficult because it was a celebration of earthly achievement and necessarily included a large degree of looking forward to the next big venture in the lives of these young adults.  We have no earthly thing left to look forward to for Anna.  All our hopes and dreams for our daughter have been fulfilled and for that I am so thankful, but in bearing the day-to-day grief and loss that is ours, it is so necessary to ‘take captive every thought’ and banish the what-ifs and what-should-have-beens.  They are no longer reality and can serve no purpose, but still the thoughts come, and it takes work to focus on what is before us and what is above us. 

Being at the graduation forced us to focus on what was behind us already.  It was hard work to banish the bitter and angry thoughts and sense of total loss and unfairness and replace it with the sure and true knowledge that Anna did graduate.  She has already moved on in the ultimate way.  She has collected the scholarship—a full ride!  It took work to remind myself of all the reasons I am thankful.  It took work to recall the tremendous grace God gives me every single day.  I reminded myself that never do we hear of Mary being angry or speaking out in any way as she followed her Son to His crucifixion.  She accepted and abided.  She trusted and surrendered.

Toward the end of the article, she gets more specific about some of the things she’s grateful for in the midst of her suffering.  She says, for example:

 ·         “I am thankful for the strong and faithful man God has put beside me.”  (Referring there to her husband, Bill.)
·         “I am thankful that even as I begged and pleaded with God for my girl to be ok, that he gave me the grace and the strength to surrender to his will and his plan for her.”
·         “I am thankful that in my weakest moments I have found strength by the power of Christ living in me.”
·         “I am thankful for the will and the grace to choose truth over the lie, to choose love over anger.”
·         “I am thankful that the agony of the garden and the pain of the cross can never win and Life awaits us all.”

Karen Pullano has worked hard at being grateful—and it’s made a big difference in the quality of her life since her two tragic losses.  We need to do the same thing—especially if we’re dealing with a major difficulty or trial in our life right now.

On a personal note, this is something I’ve done quite often in my ongoing battle with my Parkinson’s Disease.  That’s because this disease has so many negatives attached to it.   It really does affect almost every aspect of your life.  Simple things that you never thought twice about all of a sudden become major issues for you: buttoning your shirt; tying your shoes; putting on a sweater; getting vested for Mass; typing on your computer; turning a page in a book; cutting a piece of meat on your dinner plate; getting out of a chair that’s relatively low to the ground.

Everyday activities like these that I always took for granted are now major concerns for me.  And even though I’m basically doing pretty well dealing with everything, there are moments when I need to step back and say, “Okay Lord, in the midst of all these negatives, in the midst of all these things that I get frustrated with and upset about, help me to see all that I have to be grateful for.  Help me to recognize your many blessings in my life—and to be thankful for them.”

And he does help me.

I encourage you to do the same thing, even if you’re not going through a difficult time right now, but especially if you are.  Sit down in a quiet spot someday soon (maybe even here in church) and ask the Lord to help you to get in touch with the many blessings he’s given to you in your life. 

And write them down!  If you do this correctly, you’ll be surprised how many blessings you come up with.  In fact, you’re sure to think of some later on that you’ll want to add to your list.  Keep adding them!  Then put the list somewhere where you’ll have easy access to it (maybe in your Bible or in a prayer book), and look at it every once in a while.  It will become a useful tool that will help you to “work” on your gratitude—especially in the difficult moments and periods of your life.

How to Help Those Struggling with Same-Sex Attraction

Fr. Frank Francese

(Twenty-seventh Sunday of the Year (C): This homily was given on October 2, 2016 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read 2 Timothy 1: 6-8, 13-14.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-seventh Sunday 2016]

When I looked at today’s second reading—this text from 2 Timothy 1—in preparation for this Mass, the first person who came to mind was Fr. Frank Francese.  As many of you know, Fr. Frank grew up in St. Pius X Parish and now serves as pastor of St. Mary’s Church in Providence.  I thought of him especially when I read this line: “Bear your share of hardship for the Gospel with the strength that comes from God.”

If you’re a reader of the Providence Journal, you know what I’m referring to here.  This past Monday Fr. Frank was a part of the lead article on page 1 (which was actually more of an editorial than an article).  On the Projo web site it was entitled, “Outcry at Providence church over firing of gay music director.”  Fr. Frank, you see, relieved the music director, Michael Templeton, of his duties at St. Mary’s recently, because Mr. Templeton entered into a so-called “marriage” last year with another man. 

Please note: Mr. Templeton was not dismissed because he experiences same-sex attraction.  There’s no sin in that.  He was dismissed because he engaged in a public act that violated the teaching of Christ and caused a public scandal.  As Bishop Tobin put it, “Any person who holds a ministerial position in the Church, as an employee or a volunteer, is expected to live in a way that is fully consistent with the teachings and faith of the Church.  If an individual deliberately and knowingly enters into a relationship or engages in activity that contradicts the core teachings of the Church, that individual leaves the Church no choice but to respond.”

Fr. Frank did what he should have done.  And, knowing him as I do, I’m sure he did it in a very kind and respectful way.  He’s that type of person: loving, gentle, patient. But, of course, if you don’t know him and read the Journal article the other day you probably think he’s just the opposite: unwelcoming, uncaring, authoritarian, and not compassionate at all. 

And journalists wonder why their profession is one of the least respected in our country right now?

Those of us who have suffered because of their lies would be happy to tell them why most people feel that way about them.

The bottom line is that the editors of the Providence Journal—and those who think like they do—want the Catholic Church to change her teaching on homosexual activity and just about every other moral issue.  In other words, they want the Church to say that sin is no longer sin.

Well, it ain’t gonna happen!  The Catholic Church will never approve of homosexual activity—just like the Church will never approve of adultery, or sex before marriage that involves a “straight couple”.

The Church will never say these things are okay because the Church does not have the power to make them okay!  Listen again to what St. Paul says to Timothy in this text.  He says, “Take as your norm the sound words that you heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  Guard this rich trust with the help of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us.”

Guard this rich trust.  The “rich trust” is the deposit of faith—the Gospel—the full Truth of Jesus Christ.  Paul was saying to Timothy (who was a young priest), “Tim, remember that you have no power to change the message.  None whatsoever!  Your job as a leader in the Church is to guard it, and live it, and teach it, and pass it on by the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells in you.”

That’s actually every Catholic’s job: to evangelize others in the true Gospel of Jesus Christ—not in their own personal version of it.

And, lest we forget, the Gospel is Good News.  It starts with a recognition of the “bad news” of sin, true enough, but it ends with the “good news” of God’s forgiveness and mercy.  And this is how we can really help those who experience same-sex attraction and then act on it: We can encourage them to seek the forgiveness and mercy of God.  We can encourage them to get rid of their sin, not cling to it.  We can encourage them, first and foremost, to make a good confession.

And if they come to me for the sacrament of Reconciliation (as many in that situation have over the years), they can be assured of the fact that I will not condemn them.  Quite oppositely, if they confess a sin that’s rooted in same-sex attraction, I will begin by commending them!  I will say, “God bless you for having the courage to bring that sin to Jesus in this sacrament.  Now you need to understand something: You need to understand that, when I give you absolution in a few moments, your sin will be taken away and will never come between you and God again.  Never!  You’ll be washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ and make a fresh start with the Lord.  So thank God today—and praise God today—for his incredible mercy.  And never be afraid to come to the Lord in this sacrament—even if you fall into this sin again.  As Pope Francis has reminded us, God never gets tired of forgiving us, but we sometimes get tired of asking him for forgiveness.  Make sure you never get tired of asking.”

That’s the kind of thing that I would say to a homosexual person who came to me in sincere repentance in the sacrament of Reconciliation.  And you know what, my brothers and sisters?  That’s the kind of thing that ALL good priests would say in the confessional in similar circumstances—including my good friend, Fr. Frank Francese.

The Sin of ‘Neglect’

(Twenty-sixth Sunday of the Year (C): This homily was given on September 25, 2016 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Luke 16: 19-31.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here:Twenty-sixth Sunday 2016]

My homily today is about the sin of “neglect.”

I decided to preach on this topic after I saw the movie, “Sully” earlier this week.

“Sully” is about what some have called the “Miracle on the Hudson,” which took place back on January 15, 2009.  As most of you will probably remember, that was the day that U.S. Airways’ Captain Chesley Sullenberger (“Sully” for short) made an emergency landing of a jet airplane in the Hudson River in New York City.  He made the decision to land in the Hudson because the plane had hit a flock of birds shortly after taking off from LaGuardia Airport, and had both of its engines knocked out in the process.

Sullenberger had to literally “glide” the plane into the river.

Amazingly—some would say “miraculously”—all 155 people on board survived the landing and were rescued shortly thereafter.

Most of the movie deals with the investigation that occurred later on by National Transportation Safety Board, which tried to determine whether there was some kind of pilot error in how Sullenberger handled the situation; that is to say, was there something Captain Sullenberger NEGLECTED to do that he should have done—like turn the plane around and try to land back at LaGuardia?

As the film portrays it, some people on the Safety Board were prepared to blame Sully and accuse him of failing to act as he should have in the crisis, but in the end it turned out that the members of the Board were the ones guilty of neglect.

And what exactly did they neglect?

You’ll have to see the movie to find out!

No spoiler here.

Neglect, it’s important to note, is not always a sin.  For example, in this movie the members of the Safety Board were ready to make a judgment on Captain Sullenberger’s performance based on the information they had at their disposal.  They didn’t realize that they were neglecting to factor something into their analysis—until someone made that clear to them.

But there are other times when neglect is a sin—as we see in this famous gospel story of the rich man and Lazarus.  Notice why the rich man suffers after death.  It’s not because he killed Lazarus; it’s not because he hated Lazarus and physically attacked him in some way.

All he did was ignore the guy!  All he did was to NEGLECT the poor, sick man on his front doorstep—someone whom he could easily have helped.  That was his sin.

And from the way the story is written it appears he neglected Lazarus in this way not just once, but every day!

The challenge of being a Christian—the challenge of living as an authentic disciple of Jesus Christ—is, from one standpoint at least, the challenge to eliminate sinful neglect from our lives.

And this involves more than simply reaching out to help the poor, the sick and the needy—although it certainly includes those things.

The fact is, sinful neglect can take many different forms.  I’ll give a few examples:

1.    Neglecting the condition of our soul.  That’s definitely a form of sinful neglect.  How many people think about the condition of their soul each and every day?  From the relatively small number of people who go to confession on a regular basis, I would say that very few do!  And yet the condition of our soul—in other words, whether or not our soul is in the state of grace—is what will determine where we spend eternity: in heaven or in hell.
Neglecting to reflect on it (at least occasionally) is a big mistake.

2.    Neglecting our relationship with Jesus.  That’s yet another form of sinful neglect.  In many of the homilies he’s given since he became pastor, Fr. Najim has talked about the importance of having—and the importance of nourishing—a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  That, of course, is supposed to be the most important relationship we have in this life.  But, since we don’t see Jesus in the same way that we see our relatives and friends, it’s very easy to put someone else in the number 1 position—or to neglect Jesus entirely.

3.    Neglecting to teach children how to put the Lord first in their lives and how to set their priorities properly.  This is a form of sinful neglect that we have to face every year in our religious education program.  Every CCD director will tell you how frustrating it is to deal with certain parents, who attach a greater importance to their children’s involvement in sports and dance and other extra-curricular activities than they do to their children’s religious education and formation in the Faith.  Without realizing it, perhaps, those parents are teaching their children that it’s okay to neglect your spiritual life when something “more important” comes along.

4.    Neglecting our human relationships (especially in our families); in other words, putting things before people.  Being a better mother or father or wife or husband or son or daughter or brother or sister or friend takes a back seat to buying some unnecessary luxury or to getting ahead professionally.  People made in the image and likeness of God are neglected in favor of “stuff”—stuff that we will eventually leave behind when our earthly life is over.

In closing, I would ask you to take that word “neglect” home with you today and to pray about it.  Say to the Lord, “Lord, help me to recognize any sinful neglect that’s present in my life right now, and give me the strength and determination I need to deal with it.”

Because, as the rich man in today’s gospel story would surely attest, it’s far better to deal with your sinful neglect in this life than to deal with it in the next.

Three Ways to Make Confession Easier

(Twenty-fourth Sunday of the Year (C): This homily was given on September 11, 2016, at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Ex 32: 7-14; 1 Timothy 1: 12-17; Luke 15: 1-32.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-fourth Sunday 2016]

The title of my homily today is, “Three Ways to Make Confession Easier.”

That’s easier for you—and easier for the priest!

Obviously the theme of all our Scripture readings today is the same: the awesome and boundless mercy of God.

In the first reading Moses intercedes for the disobedient and hard-hearted Israelites, and God responds by showing them mercy.

In the second reading St. Paul talks about the radical change that took place in him once he became a Christian.  That change was the work of God’s mercy—a fact which Paul explicitly acknowledges in the passage.

And then we have the story of the prodigal son as our gospel reading today—a story that Pope Francis has rightly described as “the parable of the merciful father”.

Because at its core that’s really what the parable is all about.

God’s mercy is boundless, and is always available to us.  But like Moses—and St. Paul—we need to reach out to the Lord in order to receive it.

And the way we reach out is through repentance—and by expressing that repentance in the confessional, especially if we have serious, mortal sins on our souls.

Recall once again my mercy equation: Recognition plus Repentance equals Reception

Recognition of sin combined with repentance for sin leads to the reception of mercy.

When a person goes to confession with the right disposition of heart, that mercy equation is fulfilled and his sins are taken away.

But recognition and repentance are not easy—especially regarding serious sins—which is why confession can be a very difficult experience for us at times.

And yet, there are some things we can do to make it a bit easier.  I’ll share three of them with you briefly this morning.

First of all, we can make the experience of going to confession easier and more pleasant by knowing what our sins are before we go into the confessional.  Many people get nervous about going to confession because they’re worried about remembering the Act of Contrition, or the opening formula (“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned …”)—but the priest can help you easily enough with details like those.  What he can’t tell you is what your sins are—unless, of course, he has the ability to “read souls” like Padre Pio and John Vianney did!  They could sometimes tell people their sins before they confessed them—or when they purposely neglected to confess them.

Don’t worry.  I think you’re safe with Fr. Najim and me!

But this means you need to examine your conscience thoroughly beforehand, so that you don’t leave out any serious sins that need to be confessed.

If you don’t have a list of questions to help you do this properly you can always get one from a priest.  You can even find some good examinations of conscience online.  There’s an excellent one, for example, on the Knights of Columbus web site.

And, if your memory is poor, feel free to write some notes to yourself as you go over the examination of conscience questions, and then use those notes during your confession.

Just make sure you don’t forget to destroy the notes afterward!

The second thing we can do to make the experience of going to confession easier and more pleasant is to remember to confess any and all mortal sins according to “kind” AND “number”.  In other words, if you commit a mortal sin, you not only need to identify the sin itself, you also need to let the priest know how often you committed it.  With a venial sin it’s sufficient to mention the sin and leave it at that.  For example, it’s fine for a little boy to come to confession and say, “I argued with my brother”.  That’s an acceptable way to confess that sin because it’s venial.  But if that same boy grows up, gets married, has an affair, then eventually repents and goes to confession, it will not be enough for him to say, “I committed adultery”; he will also need to say how many times he committed that sin.

Now here, in all honesty, is where it can get very uncomfortable for the penitent AND THE PRIEST!  If you confess a serious sexual sin like adultery but don’t tell the priest how often you committed it, he will probably ask you that question—even though it makes him very uncomfortable doing so (at least it always makes me uncomfortable!).

If that ever happens to you, please understand something: It’s not that Father wants all the sordid details!  It’s not that he’s prying into your affairs (pardon the pun!).  He just wants to help you to make a good confession and get rid of the sin in your life!

Now someone might say, “But, Fr. Ray, I’ve been away from the sacraments for 20 years.  I know that missing Sunday Mass is a serious sin just like adultery is, but I have no idea EXACTLY how many times I’ve missed Mass during the last 2 decades!”

In cases like that, when you don’t know the exact number, it’s sufficient to say that you committed the sin “many times” or “frequently”, or to say that you missed almost every Sunday and Holy Day Mass for the last 20 years.

The bottom line is: In some way the frequency of the sin needs to be mentioned whenever the sin is mortal.

Which brings us to the final thing we can do to make the experience of going to confession easier and more pleasant: Relax about the Act of Contrition!

Some people stay away from confession, or have a meltdown whenever they go to confession, because they either don’t know the Act of Contrition or they’re afraid they’re going to forget it when the priest asks them to say it (which, of course, usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: they get nervous about forgetting, which causes them to forget!).

Many Catholics don’t realize that there’s a lot of flexibility in this part of a confession.  You have some options.  For example, if you want to, you can say one of the standard Act of Contrition prayers, like the one that begins, “Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you …”

But you don’t have to!

You can use your own words, if you wish—and many people do.  Most of these prayers are simple—nothing fancy: “Dear Jesus, I’m sorry I’ve hurt you and others by my sins.  Help me to be better in the future.  Amen.”

You can even use the one-line prayer of the humble tax collector whom Jesus talked about in Luke 18: “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

That’s all you have to say!

“Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

That’s a simple prayer that says a lot—when it’s spoken from the heart.

So there you have it, three things you can do to make the experience of going to confession easier and more pleasant: know your sins when you go into the confessional; confess any mortal sins you may have according to kind and number; and don’t get uptight about the Act of Contrition.

And remember, to make it more convenient for you to receive the sacrament on a regular basis, we’ve begun to offer confessions every Wednesday evening here at St. Pius from 5 to 6pm (in addition to our regular time on Saturday afternoons).

Wow—how much easier can it get?