Ten Good Reasons to Forgive

(Twenty-Fourth Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on September 13, 2020 at St. Mary's Church, Carolina, and St. James Chapel, Charlestown, R.I. by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Sirach 27:30-28:9; Psalm 103:1-12; Romans 14:7-9; Matthew 18:21-35.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-fourth Sunday 2020]

About a year after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, Bishop Kenneth Angell of the Diocese of Burlington, Vermont (and formerly of the Diocese of Providence), wrote the following lines in a magazine article:

The Lord says that we have to love him first and foremost.  But we have to love our brothers and sisters as well, including the people who committed this terrible act.  Acts of terrorism are evil, but we have to love those who committed this evil—and that is hard to do.  I suppose I’ve preached that my entire priesthood.  And I’ve tried to live it, but when it comes to something like this, it’s difficult.Yet we know that this is what the Lord wants of us: We have to forgive those that perpetrated this terrible violence against our country.  We have to say, “Lord, they know not what they do, and so we forgive them.” 

Bishop Angell’s brother, David, and his sister-in-law, Lynn, were among those killed on American Airlines Flight 11 (one of the two planes that hit the World Trade Center)—which means he wrote these words about a situation that had affected his life on the personal level.  He was not just offering some pious advice for the rest of us to follow.

Peter said to Jesus in today’s Gospel text from Matthew 18, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?  As many as seven times?”   Peter obviously thought he was being generous!

Jesus answered him, “I say to you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”  (Which, in today’s terminology, means “as often as necessary!”) 

Forgiveness, unfortunately, is a much-misunderstood concept.  Some think that it means we must condone whatever evil was done to us; others think it means that we’re supposed to pretend that nothing bad ever happened in the first place; still others believe that if they forgive, they must automatically dispense with justice.  Thus, if we forgive a known terrorist who’s on the loose (like Osama bin Laden was for so many years), we should stop trying to find him and let him go free.  And, finally, there are those who believe that forgiveness is always a “once-and-for-all” decision.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong!—although the people in the last group have it half-right: forgiveness is a decision!  It’s an act of the will, not an emotion!  And, in some cases, it must be a daily or even hourly decision: once is not enough!

But exactly why should we do it?  Why should we make this difficult choice to forgive one another?

Glad you asked.  Here are ten short reasons why.  (You may be able to think of others, but these are the ones that came to me in preparation for this homily)—

1. We should forgive, because of how much we have been forgiven.  Many people have an unreal assessment of themselves: they think they’re God’s gift to the world, because they’re not like all those bad folks “out there.”  Consequently, they don’t have a true sense of how much God has forgiven them in their lives.  They take his mercy for granted.  Now that was precisely the problem with the unmerciful servant in today’s Gospel parable, was it not?  He had no sense of how much he had been forgiven; thus, he wasn’t ready to show any mercy to his fellow servant.
   
   
2. We should forgive, because of how much the Lord WILL forgive us.  God is ready, willing, and able to forgive every sin—including the ones we haven’t even committed yet!
   
   
3. We should forgive, because, if we don’t, we won’t be forgiven and we risk eternal damnation!  Aside from being sorry for our sins, this seems to be the one condition the Lord puts on our receiving his pardon.  In today’s first reading from Sirach, we were told that the Lord remembers the sins of the vengeful “in detail.”  And Jesus said, “If you do not forgive others, neither will your heavenly Father forgive you.”
   
   
4. We should forgive, because Jesus did.  (He even went so far as to forgive his murderers!)  As Christians, we say we want to imitate Jesus, do we not?  Well, here’s a great opportunity to do that on a daily basis!
   
   
5. We should forgive, because, if we don’t, “the torturers” will come.  In this parable it says that the unforgiving servant was turned over to “the torturers.”  I heard one commentator say that the modern day “torturers” are things like anger and depression and resentment.  I think there’s a lot of truth in that!  Unforgiveness ultimately makes us miserable.
   
   
6. We should forgive, because our loved ones will have to bear the consequences of our unforgiveness.  It should be obvious: if we are filled with anger, resentment, bitterness, and the like, we will take it out on the people we love the most—our family, and our close friends.  It almost always happens that way.
   
   
7. We should forgive, because it contributes to our own sanctification, and can bring other people to conversion.  When Charlie Osburn, the Catholic lay evangelist, forgave the man who had molested his children, the molester had a conversion, and returned to the Church and the sacraments before he died.  And, in the process, Charlie himself grew closer to the Lord and stronger in his faith.
   
   
8. We should forgive, because it frees us to move on with our life.  Unforgiveness keeps us trapped in the past; it keeps us focused on the evil that happened to us “way back when.”—which can keep us from doing God’s will in the present moment and moving forward in life.
   
   
9. We should forgive, because there can be negative physical consequences—as well as spiritual and emotional consequences—to unforgiveness.  Sirach says, “Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the Lord?”  I’ve known many people who have experienced physical healings after they’ve made the hard decision to forgive.  Their unforgiveness was making them sick—literally!
    
10. And, finally, we should forgive others, because it’s very good practice for forgiving ourselves!  Some of us may have great difficulty forgiving ourselves for things we’ve done in the past—even after we’ve taken those matters to Confession!  Well, if we develop the habit of forgiving the sinners “out there” who hurt us every day, maybe it will become a little easier for us to forgive the sinner we see in the mirror every morning.

Those are my ten good reasons to forgive.  Of course, the real question is, “Are those ten reasons good enough for you?”  I pray that they are, and that they will motivate each of us to respond to God’s grace every day by forgiving others—even our worst enemies.

Going to God with the Solution versus Going to God with the Problem

(Twenty-third Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on September 6, 2020 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Ezekiel 33:7-9; Psalm 95:1-9; Romans 13:8-10; Matthew 18:15-20.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-third Sunday 2020]

One day a man named John is deeply offended by his friend Bill.  John goes before the Lord and prays in this fashion: “Dear God, you know everything.  You know what Bill did to me.  You know how his words and actions have hurt me.  So change him; please change him.  Make him realize what he's done.  Make him come to me and apologize.  Thank you, God.  Amen.”

The very same day a woman named Mary is deeply offended by her friend Jane.  She also decides to pray, but her prayer is a little different than John's.  (See if you can determine the difference.)  She says, “Dear God, you know everything.  You know how deeply I’ve been hurt.  But I’m not sure what I should do about it.  Should I confront Jane?  Should I wait for her to apologize?  Should I pretend that the whole incident never happened?  Should I break off my friendship with her completely?  Lord, help me to see how you want me to deal with this very unpleasant situation.  Amen.”

Now it's interesting, on the following Sunday, both John and Mary go to church, and the gospel that's read on that occasion is the one all of you heard this morning: Matthew, chapter 18, verses 15 to 20.  The question is, who is more likely to take the message of this gospel to heart and actually put it into practice—John or Mary?  The answer is Mary.  And you can find the reason for that in the prayers they uttered beforehand.  Yes, both of them went to the Lord in the midst of their difficulties—that's true.  But they approached God in very different ways—which is the key point.  John went to God with the solution.  Mary went to God with the problem. Before John ever spoke a word of his prayer he already had everything figured out in his own mind.  He thought he knew exactly what had to happen for things to get straightened out with Bill.  So his prayer basically consisted of giving God orders.  In effect he said, “Ok Lord, here's the scoop—this is the solution to the problem.  Bill is a dirty, rotten scoundrel and he's got to change.  Which is your job, God; you change him.  Make him realize what he's done to poor, innocent me!  Make him come to me and apologize—and we'll all live happily ever after.  Thank you God.  Amen.”

So here comes the Lord, the very next Sunday, speaking to John directly and clearly in this gospel text, giving him concrete guidelines on how to deal with Bill.  Jesus says there, “If your brother should commit some wrong against you, do this—and if that doesn't work, do this—and if that doesn't work, do this—and if that doesn't work, do this.”  I think it's safe to say that those words would probably go in one of John's ears and right out the other.  He wouldn't pay any attention to the Lord's solution to his problem, because he's already got his own.

Notice how different Mary was—as illustrated in her prayer.  She had the very same problem as John, but she went to the Lord asking him for the answer, asking him for guidance, asking him for HIS solution.  The basic thrust of her prayer was, “Dear God, this is the problem I’m facing, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.  Help me to see what I need to do to handle it properly.  Help me to see what I need to do to be reconciled with my friend.” 

So I think it should be obvious, when she goes to church the following Sunday and hears this gospel passage proclaimed, in all likelihood she’ll respond by saying, “Thank you, Lord, this is just what I needed to hear.  These are the guidelines I need to follow to get my relationship with Jane back in order.”  And then, if she's really smart, Mary will go to someone (perhaps her parish priest) for a little spiritual direction, in order to figure out how to apply these principles of Jesus to her particular situation. 

I share this with you today because I think it’s very common for people to go to God like John did: with the solution and not the problem.  I've certainly been guilty of this; I'm sure we all have.  We say, “Lord, this is what I want—this is what I need—this is what I think you should do.”  And we never go any further than that.  So we never receive (and put into practice) the solution God may try to give us through a text of Scripture at Mass, or through the words of another person, or through some other means. We don't hear it, because our minds and hearts are closed.  We think we’ve already got it all figured out.

The challenge is to go to the Lord with the attitude of Mary: putting the problem confidently in his hands, and allowing him to give us his solution.  Because the fact of the matter is, my brothers and sisters, God’s solution is at least as good as ours is—always!  And, most of the time, it is much, much better.

Sometimes it’s wrong to try to shield people from suffering

(Twenty-second Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on August 30, 2020 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Jeremiah 20:7-9; Psalm 63:2-9; Romans 12:1-2; Matthew 16:21-27.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-second Sunday 2020]

One day a man was walking through the woods and he came upon a butterfly cocoon.  He watched it for a long time as the creature inside struggled to force its way through the very small opening at the bottom.  Well at one point it appeared that the butterfly had gotten stuck on its little journey, so the man decided to come to its rescue and offer a helping hand.  He took a pair of scissors and widened the hole of the cocoon ever so slightly.  The butterfly, of course, came out quite easily—but, much to the man’s surprise, it didn’t fly.  All it could do was crawl on the ground, since its wings were too small and its body swollen and much too heavy.  And sadly, that’s how this particular butterfly spent the remainder of its very brief earthly life.

What that man didn’t realize was that the butterfly needed to struggle.  In fact, EVERY butterfly needs to undergo this kind of difficult, challenging experience!  As I learned in preparation for this homily, by squirming and struggling to get out of its cocoon, a butterfly forces fluid out of its body and into its wings, a process which makes its body lighter and its wings stronger.  Thus, when it does finally manage to get out, it’s able to fly on its own.

UNLESS SOMEONE INTERFERES WITH THE PROCESS, LIKE THIS MAN DID!  He perceived that this butterfly was suffering in some way, and he tried to shield the creature from the experience.  But—as he very quickly found out—that was the wrong thing to do!

In our relationships with other people—especially our loved ones—we all have this very same tendency, do we not?  We want to shield them from suffering.  We want to protect them from trial and from pain.  Now in some cases, of course, that’s exactly what we should try to do.  But at other times it’s wrong to try to shield our loved ones in this way—as Simon Peter found out in today’s Gospel story from Matthew 16.  After Jesus tells him and the other apostles that he will soon suffer and die a horrible death, Peter says, “God forbid, Lord!  No such thing shall ever happen to you.”  Jesus then snaps back at Peter, “Get behind me, Satan. . . . You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.”  In other words, “Peter, you are trying to shield me from a suffering which I must experience—for your good, for your sake, for your salvation.  If I don’t die, you won’t live with me forever in my kingdom!”

As much as we might hate to admit it, some sufferings are necessary, and for our own good—and it’s wrong for others to keep us from passing through them!  Imagine, for example, a young mother who is diagnosed with breast cancer.  The doctors have told her that she needs radical surgery and extensive chemotherapy or she will die.  The operation and the follow-up treatment will almost certainly cause her terrible suffering.  But it would be wrong for you or for me to try to shield her from that pain by foolishly trying to convince her to fight the disease on her own.  She needs to experience this suffering, and she needs to pass through it, in order to get well.  Without the suffering, there will be no healing for her (unless she’s blessed with a miracle).

Most of the young people here will be back in school within a few days, if they aren’t already.  (Hopefully most will be back physically, but all will be back at least virtually.)  Now some of you young people may hate school with a passion.  (I hope you don’t, but some of you might.)  For you, sitting in a classroom (either physical or virtual), reading books, and doing 3 hours of homework every night may be a suffering like no other.  But it would be wrong for your parents to shield you from that suffering by allowing you to stay in your room all day playing video games!  You need to pass through this suffering (which really isn’t that bad) for your own good.

After one of my parents’ friends from Barrington passed away a number of years ago, his family sent me a prayer-card from his funeral.  On the back of the card was a little meditation (supposedly recording the words of the deceased). The meditation had this line in it: “I’d like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun of happy memories that I leave when life is done.”  In other words, “I want their sadness at my death to pass quickly.”  Here’s yet another suffering we often try to shield people from: the suffering from grief caused by the death of a loved one.  That’s wrong!  People need to grieve—and for much longer than a few short hours!  It’s psychologically unhealthy to short-circuit the grief process; any good psychologist will tell you that.

This, I would say, was one of the worst effects of the pandemic lockdown.  People were not able to grieve properly; they were not able to grieve in a healthy way; they were not able to grieve as they needed to grieve.  First or all, they couldn’t experience support and consolation from family and friends at the wake, because wakes were not allowed (in some places they still aren’t!). And, even more importantly, they couldn’t experience the Lord’s consolation and strength that comes through the Eucharist and the Mass, because public Masses were not allowed.  People were forced to deal with their loss in almost total isolation.

That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

That’s why, if something like this ever happens again, churches should demand to be designated as providing an “essential service.”

Because they do! 

The bottom line is this, my brothers and sisters: Our response to the suffering of others should include compassion, encouragement, prayer, and active assistance.  But we must always beware, lest we make the same mistake Peter made in today’s Gospel, and try to shield someone from a suffering which they need to experience.

And here’s one closing, sobering thought: In heaven, there will probably be many people who will look back on their earthly lives and say that their worst sufferings were actually their greatest blessings—because passing through those sufferings brought them to conversion.  And their conversion happily brought them to God’s eternal kingdom.   

’Pick-a-Pope’: It’s the game EVERYBODY plays!

 

(Twenty-first Sunday of the Year (A): This homily was given on August 23, 2020 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read Isaiah 22:19-23; Psalm 138:1-8; Romans 11:33-36; Matthew 16:13-20.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Twenty-first Sunday 2020]]

“Pick-a-Pope”: It’s the game EVERYBODY plays! 

Every once in a while, someone (usually a non-Catholic) will say to us, “Do you believe in the pope?”

Now there’s a very subtle presumption behind that question, and we need to be aware of it.  The presumption is that if you don’t accept the authority of the Holy Father in Rome (currently Pope Francis), then you don’t believe in a pope.  But that’s not true!  It’s my contention that EVERYONE has a pope!  Presbyterians have a pope; Anglicans have a pope; Baptists have a pope; people who call themselves “non-denominational” have a pope; Muslims, Buddhists and even atheists have a pope!

That’s because everyone has an authority who guides them, who defines the meaning of human existence for them, and who teaches them right from wrong.  So the real question is not, “Do you believe in the pope?”  The real question is, “Which pope do you believe in?”

In this regard, there are a number of possibilities.  For example, there’s what I would call the “Feel-Good Pope.”  Those who follow him live almost exclusively by their emotions.  If it feels good, then in their estimation it must be okay.  Or how about the “Gallup Pope?”  He’s named after the famous poll-taker.  Those who follow him form their views and attitudes based on what the majority says.  Thus if 85% of Catholics polled say they think artificial contraception is morally acceptable, those who follow the Gallup Pope immediately add their names to the 85%. 

A very popular pope among young people today is what I would call the “Peer Pope.”  He lives, and acts, and speaks through their friends.  Whatever these friends say, is considered to be the truth.

Or how about the “Pop Pope?”  (Try saying that one quickly 10 times!)  Those who follow the Pop Pope are those who are unduly influenced by the ideas of contemporary “pop” culture—ideas which come through the music they hear, through the media, the press, the Hollywood crowd, sports heroes and self-help gurus.  Of course, most of all, followers of the Pop Pope are influenced these days by the ideas they encounter on social media.

Because everyone knows, if it’s on Twitter or Instagram or Facebook it’s got to be true.  Right?

Now those are just some of the possibilities.  Believe it or not, other possible popes even include some Protestant evangelists and theologians.  Think, for example, of how many people followed the late Billy Graham as if he had been designated the authoritative interpreter of God’s Word!  These people would have denied that they believed in a pope; and yet, they listened to Graham as if he was God’s appointed mouthpiece here on earth.  Consequently they obeyed him as good Catholics will obey the Holy Father.

Even those who have no religious affiliation whatsoever have a pope—in the sense that they have a person or group of people to whom they look for guidance and direction.  For example, many of the people rioting in our cities this summer—as well as the women who founded the organization “Black Lives Matter”—have the same pope.  Perhaps you’ve heard of him; his name is Karl Marx.  The liberal media doesn’t tell you this stuff, my brothers and sisters, but it’s true.  Many of these rioters are professed Marxists, who literally want to destroy American culture as we know it and create some kind of socialist utopia—with themselves in charge, of course.

It’s scary what’s going on out there these days!

Everybody has a pope, whether they’re conscious of it or not.  That’s why I began my homily by saying, “Pick-a-Pope: It’s the game EVERYBODY plays!”

So, which pope do you pick?

Personally, I want to pick the pope that Jesus Christ picked.  Because that’s the right pope!  In today’s Gospel text from Matthew 16, we see Jesus making his choice.  He says to Peter, “You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build by Church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.”  Here Jesus gives papal authority to Peter—the authority of “spiritual fatherhood” in his Church.  And then Jesus indicates that this authority is to be passed on to others in the future when he says, “I give you [Peter] the keys to the kingdom of heaven.”  In Isaiah 22 (the text we heard in our first reading today) the “keys” symbolized dynastic authority—authority which would be passed on from one person to another.  The authority Eliakim received in the kingdom of David was the authority of an established office.  And so it is with the papacy.  Peter’s authority didn’t die when he did.  It was passed on to Linus, then to Cletus and Clement . . . and finally to Pope Francis. 

So you see, contrary to what some non-Catholics would have us believe, the Church didn’t “invent” the Catholic papacy—Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior did!

And so, for me, the game is easy.  The pope I pick is the same one Jesus picked.  My prayer today is that the Pick-a-Pope game will be just as easy for all of you.