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| The "definer of love" for many contemporary Americans. |
(Seventh Sunday of Easter (C):
This homily was given on May 12, 2013 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by
Fr. Raymond Suriani. Read John 13: 31-35;
17: 20-26.)
[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Seventh Sunday of Easter 2013]
Who defines love for you?
Another way to phrase that
question would be: Who is the major
contributor to your understanding of what love really is?
That’s a crucial issue for each
of us to address, because I would contend that whoever defines love for you, defines
to a great extent how you love other
people!
As human beings, we tend to love as we have been loved, and according to our
ideas about love. Now that’s not so
bad if you’ve experienced true love in your life and have learned what real
love is all about, but it can be disastrous if you’ve experienced and been influenced
by some counterfeit version of love.
This is why people who abuse
others emotionally, physically or sexually, very often come from abusive
backgrounds themselves. Love was defined
for these abusers by the person or the
persons who abused them—and that experience of false love now directly
influences how they treat the people they live and associate with.
I would say that in our society
at the present time love is being defined for many people by none other than
Mr. Hugh Hefner, of Playboy fame. It’s
been that way for decades.
And that’s a real problem. For these men and women, love ends up
becoming little more than a synonym for sex.
And that direct association of love with sex has a number of very
practical consequences: It’s what leads
many couples to live together before marriage, and to contracept within
marriage. It also leads some people to
be unfaithful in their marriages; and it’s one of the biggest reasons why the
divorce rate is so high.
You see, according to Hugh
Hefner’s understanding of love, pleasure
is the operative principle, so once the pleasure is gone so is the
relationship!
And, of course, if marriage is
about love, and love is almost exclusively about sex and pleasure, then why shouldn’t gay couples be allowed to
marry? Don’t they deserve some
pleasure—some “love”—in their lives?
That’s the twisted logic of many supporters
of so-called “gay marriage.” (And if you don’t believe me, just ask our
“brilliant” legislators here in the “Catholic” state of Rhode Island who voted
for it two weeks ago!).
This skewed logic makes perfect
sense in their minds, ultimately because they’ve unknowingly allowed a man like
Hugh Hefner to define love for them.
I remember seeing an interview
with Hefner once on TV, and someone asked him, “Don’t you feel any regrets
about using these young women, and allowing them to use you?” and in his
response Hefner basically said, “No—if we’re all aware of the fact that we’re
using each other, but we all derive pleasure from the experience, what does it
matter?”
And you want to know why so many
people today feel alone, and unloved and abused—even though they’re having lots
and lots of sex?!
This is one of the major reasons
why. They’re using each other for
pleasure through sex, and they think it’s love!
As Catholic Christians our
ultimate “definer of love” is supposed to be Jesus Christ—and only Jesus Christ! In today’s gospel text from John 17, Jesus
prays that his love—rooted in the Father—will be present in us. He said this at the Last Supper, on the night
before he died. He had said something
similar earlier in the meal, which is recorded for us in John, chapter 13. There he said, “As I have loved you, so you
also should love one another.”
Notice the qualifying phrase
there: “As I have loved you.” Had Jesus
said, “Love one another” and then left it at that, it would be perfectly
acceptable to have someone like Hugh Hefner define love for us. We would even be able to define love for
ourselves.
But because Jesus added those five
short words “as I have loved you,” all those other options are off the table,
so to speak. This means that our
personal view of love is to be formed, first and foremost, based on the words
and deeds of our Lord and Savior, who has revealed to us the love of the
heavenly Father.
So what exactly was the love of
Jesus Christ like? What were the primary
qualities of the love that Jesus showed to other people when he walked the face
of this earth?
Well, first of all, the love of
Jesus was selfless. Our Lord
never thought of himself first; he always thought of others and the needs of
others before he thought of himself and his own needs. In fact, that’s the reason he came to this
earth in the first place: it was to save us
from sin and eternal death. We are the ones who have benefitted
from the Incarnation and salvific activity of Jesus. When all was said and done, the only things our
Lord got out of the experience of becoming man were a bloody sweat, a heavy
cross and five holes in his body!
The love of Jesus was also patient. That patience was shown in a special way toward
his apostles, who definitely were not among ‘the best’ and ‘the brightest’ when
our Lord first called them. It took them
a long time to grow and mature in their faith, but through all those growing
pains Jesus showed them incredible patience.
He was patient with Peter at Caesarea-Philippi when Peter put his foot
in his mouth and said the wrong thing; he was patient with Peter after his 3 denials;
he was patient with Thomas in his doubts; he was patient with Matthew in his
worldliness and materialism.
That’s because real love is patient—as St. Paul tells us
explicitly in 1 Corinthians 13.
The love of Jesus was also a
forgiving love.
Forgiveness needs to a part of
every interpersonal relationship, because every interpersonal relationship
involves people who are sinners, and who consequently hurt one another!
If forgiveness is not present in
a relationship, the relationship does not
survive.
It’s that simple.
Well, not surprisingly, Jesus is
our great role model for forgiveness, since he forgave the people who hated him
and who murdered him WHILE THEY WERE IN THE PROCESS OF MURDERING HIM!
“Father, forgive them, they know
not what they do.”
It takes a special kind of
strength to forgive others from the heart—especially when the people who have
offended us are not sorry, like
the murderers of Jesus were not sorry.
Think of the people who were
wounded and who lost loved ones in the terrorist attack in Boston on Patriots’
Day. How hard must it be—and will it be—for
them to forgive?
Forgiveness is not easy—but it is
possible by the grace of God that
comes to us through Jesus Christ, the greatest forgiver of them all!
Finally, the love of Jesus was self-sacrificial.
“Greater love no one has,” Jesus
said, “than to lay down his life for his friends.” Real, genuine love always finds its greatest
and most perfect expression in sacrifice. Weren’t you moved and inspired the other day when
you watched the news footage of the police and medical personnel—and the
ordinary, private citizens—rushing to the aid of those injured by the explosions
at the Marathon? I sure was! What was moving and inspiring was the fact
that these men and women were putting their lives on the line as they were
helping those in need! For all these rescuers
knew, there were more bombs in Copley Square that were about to go off! But they sacrificed themselves anyway. That’s the love of Jesus Christ in action.
And that’s why the greatest
“visual definition” of love is—and always will be—the cross of Jesus, in the
form of the crucifix.
In closing I should also add the
point that many of us in this church right now have been blessed to experience
real love—that is to say we’ve been blessed to experience the selfless,
patient, forgiving, self-sacrificial love of Jesus Christ—through our earthly
mothers. And for that, we say a special
thank you on this Mother’s Day to God—and to them.
So—who defines love for you? Who is the major contributor to your
understanding of what love really is?
For each of us, and for every
Catholic Christian, may it always be Jesus, Jesus—and only Jesus!
