Sunday, May 10, 2015

The Logic of ‘Gay Marriage’

(Sixth Sunday of Easter (B): This homily was given on May 10, 2015 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I., by Fr. Raymond Suriani.  Read 1 John 4: 7-10; John 15: 9-17.)

[For the audio version of this homily, click here: Sixth Sunday of Easter 2015

On this Mother’s Day, here are some words to describe mothers:

  • ·         Expendable
  • ·         Unnecessary
  • ·         Replaceable
  • ·         Optional
  • ·         Dispensable
  • ·         Nonessential
  • ·         Unimportant

Aren’t those beautiful words?  Don’t you moms feel appreciated and edified as you hear your vocation described in those terms?  Don’t you feel loved?  Don’t you feel really special?

Now I, personally, would never describe mothers with any of those words, but according to many of the polls I’m in the minority right now because I believe in traditional marriage.  In fact, according to an NBC News/Wall Street Journal Poll taken just a few days ago, only 37% of Americans share my belief.  Those being polled were presented with the following statement and question: “The U.S. Supreme Court could decide that gays have a constitutional right to marry, which would have the effect of legalizing gay marriage throughout the country.  Would you favor or oppose the Supreme Court taking this action?”

Those in favor: 58%; those opposed: 37%.

Now I’m sure that most (if not all) of the people in that 58% would be angry and insulted if they heard me say that they see mothers as expendable and unnecessary and dispensable and unimportant, etcetera—but isn’t that precisely what they believe?  All things being equal, if “Adam and Steve” can raise a child just as effectively as “Adam and Eve”, then obviously Eve is expendable!

As well as unnecessary, replaceable, optional, dispensable, nonessential, unimportant—and a host of other similar things!

That, my brothers and sisters, is the logic of so-called “gay marriage”—and almost nobody has the guts to talk about it, especially in the mainstream media!

But it makes perfect sense, does it not?  If two men can do the job at least as well as a man and a woman can, then—aside from serving as a 9 month incubator for the child—the mother has no necessary or unique role to play in the child’s life! 

None whatsoever.                             

Of course, common sense and the experience of most of the human race tell us that’s not true—and interestingly enough so do a growing number of adults who were raised by two people of the same gender, and who now realize that they missed something very important and very special in their childhoods.

One of those people is a young mother named Heather Barwick.  Listen to this excerpt from an article she recently wrote (the article is actually addressed to same-sex parents like hers):

Growing up, and even into my 20s, I supported and advocated for gay marriage. It’s only with some time and distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences and recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me. And it’s only now, as I watch my children loving and being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty and wisdom in traditional marriage and parenting.

Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not. A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost. …

Gay marriage doesn’t just redefine marriage, but also parenting. It promotes and normalizes a family structure that necessarily denies us something precious and foundational. It denies us something we need and long for, while at the same time tells us that we don’t need what we naturally crave. That we will be okay. But we’re not. We’re hurting.

Kids of divorced parents are allowed to say, “Hey, mom and dad, I love you, but the divorce crushed me and has been so hard. It shattered my trust and made me feel like it was my fault. It is so hard living in two different houses.” Kids of adoption are allowed to say, “Hey, adoptive parents, I love you. But this is really hard for me. I suffer because my relationship with my first parents was broken. I’m confused and I miss them even though I’ve never met them.”

But children of same-sex parents haven’t been given the same voice. [And] it’s not just me. There are so many of us. Many of us are too scared to speak up and tell you about our hurt and pain, because for whatever reason it feels like you’re not listening. That you don’t want to hear. If we say we are hurting because we were raised by same-sex parents, we are either ignored or labeled a hater.

Well, join the club, Heather.  Say anything against gay marriage these days and—regardless of who you are—you’re immediately called a bigot, a homophobe, a hater (and a host of other bad things).

And that’s sad, my brothers and sisters, because it immediately eliminates dialogue—the kind of constructive dialogue that should be taking place about what’s best for children.  Not what’s best for the adults involved; not what the adults want; not what makes the adults “feel good”—but rather what’s in the best interest of the children of our society.

Jesus makes it clear in today’s gospel: at the heart of real love (and that includes real parental love) is self-sacrifice: “Greater love than this no one has, than to lay down his life for his friends.”   And, of course, it was Jesus himself who witnessed to this truth perfectly by going to the cross to save us from sin and Satan and eternal death.  As St. John reminds us in today’s second reading: “In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.  In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins.”

This kind of self-sacrificial love, unfortunately, is almost always ignored by the promoters of gay marriage.  And that’s a tragedy.  Instead they talk about “rights” (the rights of adults) and “laws” and “personal fulfillment”.

And yes, they do talk about “love,” but by that they usually mean “romantic feelings”.

What they don’t talk about is sacrificing their own wills and desires so that children will be able to grow up in the healthiest environment possible.

That’s probably because they know what that environment is!  Deep down inside they know that, all things being equal, the optimal situation for a child to grow and develop is in a home with a loving mother and a loving father: a loving mother and father who are bound to one another in a permanent, lifelong commitment of marriage.

Which means that, in reality, mothers are the exact opposite of all those things I mentioned at the beginning of my homily.  They are not expendable; they are most necessary; they are irreplaceable, non-optional, indispensable and essential.  In other words, they are very, very, very important!

And, just for the record, so are dads.

[For further reading on this important subject, follow this link:]